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4 Reasons Marriages Fail and How to Fix Them

4 Reasons Marriages Fail and How to Fix Them

For a lot of couples, Valentine season is a difficult time.  They celebrate one more year but inwardly they know their marriage seems to be failing.  Often, marriages that seem outwardly successful are privately failing.  How can you fix a failing marriage? 

Marriage failures usually come down to four main causes:

  1. “Stress”—The pressure to perform and succeed;
  2. “Abuse”—Appetites that get out of control;
  3. “Pace”—Something in life is out of balance;
  4. “Pressure”—Your emotions are boiling over.

       How do you build a HEDGE around your HOME?

1. “Stress”: Build a wall between your MIND and your CAREER

  • Get off the phone. Many Americans are checking their phone 150 times a day (about 10 times an hour)!  Wean yourself off of obsessive communication and information.  It’s destroying your marriage.
  • Develop a time matrix. You cannot be “on call” 24 hours a day.  Develop time where you are REALLY “off,” a true   Shoot for a “family night” and a “date night” once a week.
  • Never allow your career to become another “lover” where your mind is on your business or ministry 80% of the time.

2. “Abuse”: Build a wall between your FLESH and ENTICEMENT

  • Run from substance abuse. The pressures of success are driving millions to pills, alcohol, and drug abuse.  Millenia of history prove that addictive habits destroy relationships.
  • Pornography, affairs and other sexual abuses must be met head-on. Use internet filters and small group accountability to “build a wall” between yourself and a destructive temptation.

3. “Pace”: Build a wall between your PLEASURE and OBSESSION

  • Hobbies bring pleasure but can quickly become obsessive.  Sports, travel, shopping, hunting and a host of other wonderful, fun things can quickly get out of balance and destroy intimacy.
  • Sexual pleasure in marriage can also become obsessive. Focus on fellowship, fun, and mutual hobbies and sex will be the natural by-product.

4. “Pressure”: Build a wall between your EMOTIONS and your WORDS

  • Learn to be merciful—If you cannot instantaneously, spontaneously forgive, your marriage will never make it.
  • Learn to be pure in heart—Don’t carry bitterness over even one day. Unresolved bitterness leads to “hardness of heart,” the very reason Jesus gave for all divorce.
  • Learn to be a peacemaker.
    • Be quiet: Learn to “shut your mouth,” even when you want to loose your tongue!
    • Be confidential:  Be loyal when your spouse has shared an intimate secret.
    • Be apologetic: Be humble and quick to see your own fault in a conflict.


  • How would you rate your marriage right now on a scale 1-10?
  • Which one of these four areas is the most difficult for you?
  • What is ONE CHANGE you can make in each of these four areas to improve?

I PROMISE YOU that if you make one simple change in each of these areas, your marriage will turn around this year!

And…next Valentine’s day, you’ll be happy!

COMMENT: “What area do you need the most work on?”

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