For a lot of couples, Valentine season is a difficult time. They celebrate one more year but inwardly they know their marriage seems to be failing. Often, marriages that seem outwardly successful are privately failing. How can you fix a failing marriage?
Marriage failures usually come down to four main causes:
- “Stress”—The pressure to perform and succeed;
- “Abuse”—Appetites that get out of control;
- “Pace”—Something in life is out of balance;
- “Pressure”—Your emotions are boiling over.
How do you build a HEDGE around your HOME?
1. “Stress”: Build a wall between your MIND and your CAREER
- Get off the phone. Many Americans are checking their phone 150 times a day (about 10 times an hour)! Wean yourself off of obsessive communication and information. It’s destroying your marriage.
- Develop a time matrix. You cannot be “on call” 24 hours a day. Develop time where you are REALLY “off,” a true Shoot for a “family night” and a “date night” once a week.
- Never allow your career to become another “lover” where your mind is on your business or ministry 80% of the time.
2. “Abuse”: Build a wall between your FLESH and ENTICEMENT
- Run from substance abuse. The pressures of success are driving millions to pills, alcohol, and drug abuse. Millenia of history prove that addictive habits destroy relationships.
- Pornography, affairs and other sexual abuses must be met head-on. Use internet filters and small group accountability to “build a wall” between yourself and a destructive temptation.
3. “Pace”: Build a wall between your PLEASURE and OBSESSION
- Hobbies bring pleasure but can quickly become obsessive. Sports, travel, shopping, hunting and a host of other wonderful, fun things can quickly get out of balance and destroy intimacy.
- Sexual pleasure in marriage can also become obsessive. Focus on fellowship, fun, and mutual hobbies and sex will be the natural by-product.
4. “Pressure”: Build a wall between your EMOTIONS and your WORDS
- Learn to be merciful—If you cannot instantaneously, spontaneously forgive, your marriage will never make it.
- Learn to be pure in heart—Don’t carry bitterness over even one day. Unresolved bitterness leads to “hardness of heart,” the very reason Jesus gave for all divorce.
- Learn to be a peacemaker.
- Be quiet: Learn to “shut your mouth,” even when you want to loose your tongue!
- Be confidential: Be loyal when your spouse has shared an intimate secret.
- Be apologetic: Be humble and quick to see your own fault in a conflict.
- How would you rate your marriage right now on a scale 1-10?
- Which one of these four areas is the most difficult for you?
- What is ONE CHANGE you can make in each of these four areas to improve?
I PROMISE YOU that if you make one simple change in each of these areas, your marriage will turn around this year!
And…next Valentine’s day, you’ll be happy!
COMMENT: “What area do you need the most work on?”