Parenting takes learning. Try these 7 tips for a lifetime of success

So you feel like a failure as a parent?  No self-control? Are no changes happening in your children?  

We’ve all been there.  

I see some of the most frustrated parents in stores, schools, and social settings.  They bargain, barter, and blast away!

How can you get better at parenting?  

We all have to keep learning.  There is no class in school on “parenting.”  Melanie and I raised six children and made our share of mistakes and share our measure of success.

These seven things will give you a great start toward a lifetime of success in parenting:

1.  Learn the art of listening.

Early in parenting, I learned a cardinal truth from a great parent:  “Try to spend at least 15 minutes each day with your child listening with your full attention.”

Listening shows value.

When we “blow off” a child as he is talking about trivial things, we are desensitized when he is talking about serious topics.

Listen more, talk less.

 2. Learn the difference between disobedience and embarrassment

Disobedience (or slow obedience) cannot be tolerated in a child.  

However, I learned that sometimes a child does not obey because of being asked to do something humiliating in front of their peers.

Always remember the context of where you are and who is around when you give a child a command.  Their hesitation may be fear, embarrassment, or confusion.

Remember what it was like to be a child.

3. Learn the power of routine.

Making up a bed is one of the most powerful moments.  It trains a young mind to complete a task (first thing in the morning) and create an orderly environment.

“Clean up what you mess up” is also essential.  Don’t leave dishes, bathrooms, yards, garages, and closets in total disarray.  

Routines of meals, bedtimes, clean-up, homework, Family night, vacations, and many other things build lifetime stability in a child.

4. Learn to capture a perfect moment. 

Parenting moments happen.  A disappointment.  A huge victory.  A follow-through on a chore.  

Stop the parade.  Encourage, congratulate, and affirm.  Explain why something didn’t work.  

BE THERE when there is a “father/son” or “mother/daughter” event (or any combination thereof).  

You can never re-live a moment.

5. Learn to recognize stages of development.

Kids go through stages.  Their bodies change.  Their intellect sharpens.  Their social skills develop.

Don’t keep them in a particular stage.  Celebrate forward movement in age and maturity.  Affirm their identity with each step forward in life.

6. Learn the incredible power of example.

You can “teach” all you want.  They spot it if your personal life does not align with your words.

Work on yourself.  Self-control instead of anger.  Good planning instead of confused leadership.  Orderly spaces around you.  Good financial planning and spending.

They will “get it” much better when you “live it.”

7. Learn when and how to give freedom.

Finally, “give privileges when they show responsibility” (Dave Ramsey).  

Parenting is a gradual release.  

Don’t squeeze too tight.  Look forward to their being an adult and treat them like one when they show responsibility.

Start with these seven things.

It’s tough to be a parent, but highly doable. 

If you keep learning, you (and your children) will get better and better at this sacred dance called “parenting.”